Fantasy Never Competes With Reality


I woke up to the sweetest message from a follower who wanted to tell me how she wishes to one day have a perfect marriage and perfect husband like I have. It was so kind of her to sing her praises over my marriage and life, however, I thought gosh if she only knew! Y’ALL my life, my marriage, my world is far from perfect. And I mean FAR from it. Some days I feel like I crushed it and then others I think Jesus take the wheel real quick because I am fixing to wreck into a brick wall.

Here is the deal folks. We live in a world where people post their “highlights” of their life and marriage. Sweet snapshots of their husbands gifts, love notes, and perfectly placed kisses plaster our screens. While we all have these moments we also have the gritty moments too. No one is posting  picture of themselves mid disagreement. Hold on honey let me selfie this so I can post how today I asked you to change your clothes, per my germaphobe issues, before you sat on the couch and how you eye rolled at me super annoyed which set me off. Or hey real quick let me snap a pic of me trying to pick at you, which is your biggest pet peeve, and how much it sets you off. Or hey lets selfie the really deep hard times, like the moments we are not sure how to handle what life has thrown our way.

My marriage is far from perfect.

I am far from perfect. I’ll be the first to own that.

My husband is far from perfect.

We are simply two people united in this life together. We made a promise to each other 2.5 years ago, to show up in the good times and in the bad times. Bradley has been my best friend, from day one. I was 18 when we first got together and here I am 25 and SO MUCH has changed. I have changed, my needs, my wants, my expectations, have all changed. I have evolved and thank God I have because 18 year old Christine was fun, but 25 year old Christine loves life humbly. That’s 6 years of Bradley standing by me through each growth spurt and evolving with me. Falling in love with Bradley was easy. We were friends for a year before we dated which laid a foundation for complete open communication. He was the tall, handsome, rugged cowboy I dreamed about meeting when I left Illinois for Oklahoma. We were in college having fun and not fully responsible for everything in our lives. It was easy, we just fit together. But staying in love with my husband, that has been work, as it should be.  That is the stuff you don’t see plastered all over Instagram. 

Falling in love is easy.  Instant attraction and those first time butterflies consume you.

Staying in love is work. It is understanding that not everyday will have those perfectly Instagram worthy butterfly moments, but that doesn’t mean your marriage is falling short of others around you. Comparison is the thief of joy.

We were sitting in church one Sunday morning and pastor Craig said “Marriage is a unity, and happiness is a byproduct.” This was one of those light bulb moments. Not everyday is blissful because this is REAL life. Think about your life right now. Has everyday up to this point been perfect? You’ve gotten everything you wanted, each day went as planned? Uhhhh nope. Same goes for your marriage, your spouse, and your unity. Not everyday is perfect, and guess what, that is OKAY. Actually more than okay. Those not perfect moments make you strive to cultivate happiness. I never want to be in a simply content marriage. Don’t get me wrong there are places where contentment is good, but I want to be in a working marriage. Every single day choosing to work and serve one another. To be thankful for what we have, who we are, and patiently enjoying this season of life rather than looking to “what is to come”. I will always desire growth in our relationship. The kind of fiery desire to serve my husband, to love him, to stand by those words I said at the alter 2.5 years ago. And that is not always EASY. The world paints a picture that it should be easy, where it is centered around our needs, and how we feel. Feelings change on a daily basis but commitment means being dedicated to the unity even on hard days.

When you desire the fantasy Instagram worthy partner, it makes your reality jealous. You see, the world will always be flashing their highlights. You wouldn’t post your mid disagreement selfie, or plaster your faults in your marriage all over would you? NO ONE DOES. We show our proud moments, our date nights, our moments where we feel so incredibly loved that we want to share that excitement with everyone around us. So promise me this, never compare your reality to an image. Know that behind that image they struggle the same way we all do! That your reality does NOT and will NEVER compare to a highlight. Life is not meant to be made up of highlight days, they are spontaneously sprinkled in amidst the ordinary days so we can appreciate them more, and hold onto that moment just a little tighter. I’ll forever hold onto those moments where Bradley will spontaneously ask me to dance with him. In the kitchen those sweet moments are a humble reminder that he truly loves me.

My marriage is far from perfect.

I am far from perfect. I’ll be the first to own that.

My husband is far from perfect.

But I love that man and at the end of the day he is my best friend. Always has been and always will be. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. We are imperfect people, but we serve a perfect God who has enough grace for our imperfectness.  Allow your spouse to be human and allow yourself to be human.

My reality is not in a competition with the highlight reel moments the world creates. But I know this, I will embrace it. Look at their images and see the beauty in them but don’t try to be them. Comparison in our lives never serves a useful purpose. Embrace your reality, cultivate a grateful mindset, and watch gratitude turn what you have into more than enough. Who you are, your marriage, and your world is so unique and beautiful, the insta world is not worthy of comparison. Don’t fall for that trap. 






2 thoughts on “Fantasy Never Competes With Reality

  1. That was beautiful Nina!!! You are exactly right!! Soooo proud of you and everything that you have become!! ☺️❤️☺️❤️☺️❤️


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